I calmly communicate with people from different countries, with different views on faith, politics, and life in general. If these people don't cross the line and start teaching me how to perceive the world, then why should adults be bothered by differences, informs Ukr.Media.
But there were situations that happened between me and my friends at the time, after which I stopped communicating with them. That's when I started to feel a real dislike for these people. Now I'll tell you what can turn me away from people…
“Let's throw a hair in the dish”
Once upon a time, I went to a restaurant with a not-so-close friend. She chose the place herself, and it wasn't cheap. Well, okay, we sat down at the table, placed our order, and received our dishes from the waiter. And then my friend turned away from the room and carefully pulled out a hair, then put it on a plate.
“Um… why are you doing this?” I ask.
“Now I'll make a scandal that I got a hair in my food, and we'll get everything for free. Let's throw it at you too, just to be safe,” she replies.
I, a little crazy from what is happening, ask where she got the idea that she would be fed for free because of a hair on the plate. It turned out that this cunning lady has pulled a similar trick not for the first time. And she specifically goes only to restaurants with a more or less high average check, because they are more democratic places and are afraid for their reputation. In response to the scandal, they are trying to instantly cover up the story with a free service.
Now I would have acted differently in that situation. I would have sternly warned my friend that if she rushed towards the waiter with her hair, I would go straight to the middle of the hall and tell him how she ended up there. And then I was much softer. And I simply offered to pay for her pasta too, if money was tight. True, I had enough strength of character to not communicate with her anymore.
“This one is scary and that one is scary”
This friend at least gave me a great life lesson — I saw firsthand that those with low self-esteem and a troubled life discuss other people in the most dirty and mean ways. Honestly, no matter how many well-groomed and happy people I've met, who are confident in themselves and don't radiate anger in all directions for failures, none of them have stooped to gossiping and discussing the appearance of strangers.
So, when my friend discussed the appearance of some strangers I didn't even know, I still tolerated it, kept quiet, although even then it all alarmed me. But when she started talking in the same vein about her own sister (“Oh, she's so ugly and skinny, no figure, no brain, and she went to the same modeling agency, who needs her there”), I realized that this was the end. I generally can't stand people who gossip dirty about their closest circle. Even if something is wrong with you inside your circle, it should be between you only. No, you can complain that your mother doesn't understand, your husband has cooled down, your child doesn't listen. That's what friends are for, to support you during such a period. But discussing the appearance of your loved ones is how mean it is.
By the way, that woman's sister was very beautiful. However, she is still beautiful now, and has managed to achieve a lot in life. Although she did not become a model.
“And help me out again”
I lend money to friends, but this is a sharply limited circle of people I trust. At the same time, my income to them is not a one-sided game. In return, my friends also do something for me, well, at least they communicate and keep up with my life.
But I don't just remember the saying “If you want to lose a friend, lend him money”… I've experienced it firsthand. And no, I'm not talking about those cases when you lend money to a friend and then you have neither money nor a friend. All my debts were returned (well, or the amounts were small and I don't remember – that could also be the case). My friends who borrow money were lost in a different way – they began to perceive me purely as a mutual aid fund, only without reciprocity.
And so one of my friends started writing to me every week, “Kitsyunya, you can't help me, I need a thousand for a couple of days,” “Kitsyunya, won't you have 3 thousand by Monday?” Just so you understand, my friend had a husband and parents. After all, she also had work with colleagues.
At first I helped her out and didn't bother her. But over time I noticed that she stopped being interested in me as a friend. No “How are you doing,” no “Happy New Year to you,” no “I missed you, maybe we'll call and talk.” Only the steady “Help me out again.”
And I stopped responding to her messages. You won't believe it, but it's been exactly a year and a half, and she still occasionally tries to break through my deaf defenses with her favorite question. Why don't I answer, maybe something happened to me and I need help – this question, unfortunately, never occurs to her…
