When communicating with Orthodox Christians, I often hear about repentance. And most often in a specific context: that even if a Christian sins, he will repent later. Yes, I know that repentance is a sacrament. And I can't discuss that aspect, nor do I intend to. But there's another side, an internal one: what happens in our souls during repentance. Or rather, what should happen if we understood the meaning of repentance.
Let's turn to the original source. In my opinion, the essence of repentance is expressed in the words: “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Church “instructions” also reflect the same position. “Repentance implies such spiritual activity on the part of a Christian that the sin committed becomes hateful to him.” “A repentant sinner receives justification and sanctification in the Sacrament, and the confessed sin is completely erased from a person's life and ceases to destroy his soul.” Finally, the Greek “metanoia” (repentance) is translated as “change of mind,” “rethinking, turning around,” “change of mindset.” That is, repentance should be accompanied by such internal changes that “having been washed from sins, we regain the grace lost in the fall. Having been sinners, we become saints.”
This is a crucial point! The idea that repentance can atone for sin, cleanse oneself of it, is too deeply ingrained. There's even a saying: “If you don't sin, you won't repent.” And it didn't come out of nowhere! For example, in the Gospel of Luke we read: “There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” Then there's the idea of original sin, the inherent “corruption” of man and the consequent impossibility of achieving perfection. A third barrier to self-change is the impossibility of achieving salvation through one's own efforts, but only through God's grace. And finally, there's the idea of God's mercy. This set of ideas, in my opinion, blocks the path to true change for the vast majority of Christians.
Yet another, true meaning of repentance is well known. But it is complex, requiring the most serious effort in self-improvement. It's far easier to “sin and repent”! But this is a dead-end path, having nothing whatsoever to do with repentance. For although there is an acknowledgment of one's own sinfulness and specific sins, the most important thing is missing: inner change. The person remains a sinner, ready to commit unsavory acts again and repent of them again. Yes, they understand that they are acting wrongly, that they are committing a sin. But they believe that not sinning is beyond human power; that God will forgive; and most importantly, that they can and must repent… The circle is closed. Repentance, metanoia, does not occur! But it is a priori assumed that a person will confess their sins—and this is only possible if they are aware of these sins, aware of their undesirability, their sinfulness. This is far from always the case!
Both “general repentance”—”I live like everyone else, without any particular sins”—and the exalted “I'm a great sinner and there's no forgiveness for me”—are equally meaningless and even harmful, as they are psychological defenses designed to prevent us from realizing what we're afraid to even admit to ourselves. Repentance can only be achieved by recognizing what we've done, by being aware of what's happening. Therefore, “sins” must be specific, and the work of preventing them and eradicating the need for them in the future must also be specific. Only in this way, through awareness, is it truly possible to “turn to the Lord and forsake sins,” to “create for ourselves a new heart and a new spirit.”
How many of those who “sin and repent” remember that repentance is compared to a second baptism? Let's remember that we are baptized once and for all! True repentance (and it cannot be any other way!) leads to the fact that sins no longer return… or at least do not return with the same force. Logically, repentance leads to genuine cleansing from sinful passions, gradually but steadily purifying a person. Do many “repentants” become better, freeing themselves from unwanted thoughts, impulses, and actions? No? So perhaps this is following the wrong path, or, more simply, self-deception?
At first glance, Christianity has no concept of approaching perfection. After all, we are sinful from the very beginning, from birth! The idea of sinfulness is constantly emphasized by both church representatives and believers themselves. How can one not be convinced of the incorrigible depravity of one's nature? And salvation can only be achieved by divine will, not by one's own efforts. But one can pray fervently, remembering one's own insignificance and sinfulness and asking God for mercy. And then sin again…
But there's another side to Christianity. Even formally, repentance cleanses a person of sins. That is, the idea of cleansing, of liberation from sin, is recognized by the Church! And if this doesn't happen, it means either the sacrament doesn't work (for a believer, this isn't the case) or there's a lack of repentance on the part of the person themselves. And formal, external repentance is nothing more than self-deception and complacency, which also discredits the sacrament itself in the eyes of non-believers. What did you think? That's exactly what an atheist would say: the sacrament doesn't work! And he'd be right; it truly doesn't work if a person remains the same after “repentance.”
In my view, Christianity could be a powerful spiritual practice. It requires little: a clear vision of the goal—what we're striving for; an equally clear understanding of who we must become to achieve this goal; an awareness of our current state and the changes we must make to become who we need to be. Then the idea of repentance will take on a completely different meaning, and most importantly, the path to real self-transformation will open.
And I'll finish with one more quote that clearly and unambiguously describes what we should strive for:
“Be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).
