Relationship coach Haley Quinn gave advice to a woman who, after several years of marriage, discovered she had never been sexually attracted to her husband. Metro publishes the letter from 36-year-old Julia and the expert's response.
According to Julia, her husband admitted he'd never felt sexual attraction to her and only married her because he got along well with her, loved her as a friend, and wanted to raise children with her. “He'd been pretending all this time. I asked him what he thought about when we had sex, and he said he thought about other women,” she wrote.
The letter's author's husband also told his wife that he didn't find her ugly. On the contrary, he was certain that his wife was a beautiful woman, and that was precisely why he had chosen her to have children with. Julia admitted that this made her feel like “a dog being picked for mating.” “I don't know if I should stay married to someone who doesn't like me, who thinks about other people during sex,” she wrote, emphasizing that she would never have married him had she known the truth.
Quinn called her husband's actions tactless, despite the fact that he told the truth—in particular, he shouldn't have been so forthright about his sexual fantasies. Now, she's certain, all the pleasant memories of their marriage will be tainted by this confession. She believes the woman should leave her husband.
A relationship coach noted that this situation could be addressed. However, Quinn believes that if the woman stays with her husband, she will come to terms with his lack of sexual desire for her. The specialist recommended that Julia find a man with whom she shares the same physical attraction.
Quinn also noted that a decline in sexual desire in marriage is normal, as long as both partners feel good about it. “It may not be realistic to have the best sex of your life with your husband or wife. But most people want physical desire to be the reason they choose to be with someone,” she concluded.
Previously, sex coach and psychotherapist Colleen Nolan gave advice to a man who had met the woman of his dreams but was disappointed after their first encounter. He said the sexual encounter was the most boring in his life.