Why do people voluntarily abstain from sex?
The number of non-traditional orientations has increased, and recently so-called asexuals – people who voluntarily abstain from sex – have been declaring themselves more and more loudly.
They are followers of 24-year-old David Jay, a muscular American programmer who, if not for his aversion to sex, would certainly make some sultry woman happy. It was he who founded the World Asexual Association nine years ago. Over the years, 12,000 other healthy, but not orgasm-chasing, people have dispassionately joined him. Asexuals have chapters in many countries, and each chapter has its own website where they describe themselves as unique, capable of “true love”—without kissing, hugging, and, naturally, without intercourse.
They are among us
Asexuals are quite successful people, leading ordinary lives, although their own worldview may have made them a little more “mysterious.” For any of them, the most intimate activity is a sincere, heart-to-heart conversation, although many asexuals still experience attraction but avoid allowing themselves to “fall from grace.” This behavior is not dictated by religious demands, but by a simple desire to protect themselves from sex as an imposed, useless activity that prevents platonic relationships from becoming reality.
“Among the asexuals who have openly declared their difference, most are people between the ages of twenty and thirty-five,” explains sexologist Tatyana Bogacheva . “Many of them know something about sex, which has become the reason for their own sexual 'revolution.' We're not taking into account those who have stopped pursuing carnal desires because they are suppressed by medication.”
Where do the legs grow from?
What's the reason? Why do medically healthy people deprive themselves of the joy of intimacy? Leaving aside religious reasons, asexuals can be members of any faith, even atheists.
There could be a multitude of reasons. The first thing that comes to mind is a bad sexual experience, especially during adolescence, when everything is so new and uncertain, and some casually dropped phrase can be the beginning of the end of your sex life.
Another possible cause is sexual abuse. It's likely that someone who has experienced this will be unable to change their attitude toward sex. It takes a long time to stop feeling like a victim and see what sexual relationships can and should be. But that day may never come. In any case, someone who has been abused needs help. Either they will learn to enjoy or at least not fear sex, or their path to the “heaven of diamonds” will be forever closed.
The most common reason among asexuals—the reluctance to ruin a relationship with sex—causes the most surprise. The very thought of intercourse evokes either extremely negative feelings or none at all. The most unpleasant thing for an asexual about sex is the feeling of being used.
Not like everyone else
Despite the unacceptability of sexual intercourse, asexuals desire and can have children. In some cases, asexual parents use surrogate mothers; more often, conception occurs as usual, but the act itself is perceived as an unpleasant chore. Well, to each their own. However, these unusual couples cite the inherent advantages of avoiding the headaches of contraception and the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease as an indispensable advantage.
“The idea that abstinence from sex has a positive effect on health is absolutely false,” says venereologist Mikhail Zabolotsky . “A sexually active person maintains hormonal balance, and their internal organs are always in good shape. Abstinence leads to disruption of the endocrine glands, which leads to various disorders.”
Asexuals around the world are uniting on online forums, discussing the joys of passionless intimacy—spending time together regularly. Looking at these unusual people, it might seem as if they can communicate without words—with glances and gestures. Trust and attention for each other are more valuable to asexuals than the joys of sex. In any case, the growing number of adherents of this movement in some way explains the metamorphosis of modern society—a society in which the fulfillment of one's own ambitions becomes an end in itself, and sex, intimacy with another person, becomes a waste of emotional energy. One can only hope that the individualism that coexists with asexuality will not outweigh the need for someone close, and that we won't lock ourselves away in our own apartments, each banishing sex and sweets after six.
Victoria Morozova