Antecedent. Our film will begin with the birth of an alien monster, which immediately devours its mother. Then it gets even cooler…
Spiritual food is also full of cholesterol, and we only want to fill our cavities—whether our stomachs or our heads… But perhaps only the most naive believe that every film begins with the author's carte blanche, with an outpouring of unbridled imagination onto a blank slate. Of course, screenwriters have their own rules, standards, templates, and even more—psychological archetypes. Let's not look for the hard way; everything is standard.
So, what do we have at the beginning? The near future. We don't need this because the Hero will supposedly have an unknown and invisible force field, making him invulnerable to bullets. We need it for the plot. And the plot is that an out-of-control UFO crashes into the Russian lunar base where the Villain and his comrades are staying…
Although it's not such a cliche. Evil from outer space is certainly present in many films. But a Russian villain with space technology is more or less fresh… On the UFO, as you've probably already figured out, there are no intelligent beings, much to the delight of those who lack one or who have no one to share a drink with. Instead, there is a population of space helminths. Big ones. When the module crashes, almost the entire colony of worms perishes, leaving only one pregnant worm to survive. It immediately gives birth to a very hungry baby, whose bloodthirstiness is already clearly demonstrated, and this helminth will soon become a real “pain in the ass” for the good guys, who love to seek adventures with it, with its ass…
Why is the villain Russian? No, guys, don't get any ideas, I'm not a secret saboteur or even a patriot, but this is a global blockbuster, and therefore it should meet international standards. Especially since the base might be inhabited by some brutal convicts… What? Someone asked about quilted jackets and ushanka hats? Listen, I'm not against humor and hyperbole, but the viewer should feel the situation where it's needed, and not just laugh at the obvious absurdity. So the only things our lunar base could have are bears as lab animals… And samovars with tea.
Now let's meet the Hero. He's a Russian Interpol agent. We see him defusing a plane, probably an American one, with the words “Situation under control!” and snapping one of the bomb's many red wires at the last second… If you like, our Hero could have the heroic nickname “Cat.” Like, Schrödinger's cat…
After the bomb is deactivated, the Hero utters the phrase, “Fuck, I almost shit myself!” No, it's not to add some sort of national flavor. But all blockbuster characters utter standard phrases, only about three dozen of them, and these phrases are impossible to perceive without humor and mockery. For example, when some cool dudes utter the clichés, “You have to do everything yourself!” or “If you want something done right, do it yourself!”, I immediately associate them with horny teenagers who are being bullied by their girlfriends… But many people find characters without a vocabulary “cardboard.” So the only solution is to put other key phrases in the Hero's mouth…
Now the Heroine. We'll try to make her look alive too… Well, a woman can't look her best (and certainly not in kilograms or dollars, although such an IQ is perfectly acceptable) half-asleep, or even hungover. And as for being ready for sex the moment she opens her eyes, that's to say nothing of it. She'd better run and pee… So when the Heroine wakes up, she's not wearing a lacy negligee, but regular pajamas, doesn't stretch languidly in bed, and even wanders off to the bathroom in a somnambulistic state. The gentleman she still has in bed is asleep, turned to the wall.
The Heroine, already dressed up, made up, and looking incredibly pretty, arrives at work. It turns out—what a surprise!—she works as a psychologist at the Russian branch of Interpol. Here, the Heroine has a conversation with the Hero and finds no pathology in him. Moreover, we are completely indifferent to the reality of this. The zeal of a rank-and-file agent to cut the wires in a bomb instead of a specialist may not actually be pathological given the circumstances, but the important thing is that a spark instantly flies between the Hero and the Heroine… Thus, the Heroine's profession as a psychologist ceases to be a profession, but becomes a psychological diagnosis.
We can confidently hope that our film is destined for success, as we've developed four key archetypes: Monster, Villain, Hero, and Heroine. Four levers of influence on the viewer's psychology (and psyche). Monster—because even if none of us suffers from pronounced scoleciphobia or ophiophobia, we all share a dislike of worm-like and snake-like creatures. Stock up on diapers. Something will happen to you, if not from fear, then from laughter. But “something” from laughter won't happen to those who think “Titanic,” with its hundreds of corpses, is a romantic film, who watch “Amélie” because that's what all original girls do, or who perceived the “combat acrobatics” in “Armor of God” as a tutorial on mastery… But this is precisely the audience our film is aimed at!
To heighten the effect, the Villain appears as slimy and nasty as the Monster. With slicked-back hair and fishy eyes… The Villain archetype is no more complex than the Monster. Villains, as a rule, lack the various mental anguish inherent to Heroes. Although, of course, every Villain has an inner life. Our Villain will be a lover of classical music, which will make him even more cynical… After all, while the Monster, an unintelligent beast, simply wants to eat, the Villain is a conscious monster.
We'll discuss the Hero and Heroine archetypes later, as it's worth mentioning how these two—the Villain and the Monster—found each other. While moving through a bright, spacious, and clean ventilation system in search of initial food, namely rats, the Monster falls victim to a special paralyzing trap (SPT) activated by the Villain. The Villain then implants a G-nanotech chip (G stands for “genesis”) into the Monster…
The archetypal Hero in our film is that he's a loner, relying only on himself. Sure, he has colleagues, and he was offered a partner, but the Hero's unwavering confidence in his own toughness prevented him from accepting the offer. The Hero justifies his refusal by saying he's tired of arguing with his partners about who's tougher or smarter…
But this isn't just the Hero's vanity and self-admiration! It's his concern for his friends. In fights, good guys take some serious blows to the head, so if his partner has any brains, he's bound to get a serious concussion along the way… But the Hero doesn't care about himself: after being hit on the head with a pipe, he only gets angrier and stronger.
Meanwhile, a cargo starship arrives at the base where the convicts were mining helium-3. Seeing that no one is there to greet the spacemen, the captain utters the ritual phrase: “It's too quiet here!” The first mate, who, incidentally, had been showing everyone photos of his family the entire trip, calls out to see what's going on. Entering one of the dimly lit tunnels, the first mate asks the darkness, “Is anyone here?” – and immediately, without uttering a word, is swallowed by the Monster. And what answer was he hoping to hear?
After futilely calling the first mate on the radio for several minutes, the captain finally calls out, “Misha, this isn't funny anymore!” There's no answer… Then the captain utters another ritual phrase: “We need to split up!” The cosmonauts disperse into different tunnels… The outcome is predictable. So the wily Villain acquires transport for the flight to Earth. Having stuffed his belly with human flesh, the Monster settles comfortably into the cargo hold. By the time he reaches Earth, he's very hungry again; his metabolism is so…
The starship lands near Moscow. There's a sewer drain nearby—and so, controlled by the Villain's tablet, the Monster enters the utility tunnels and catacombs beneath the capital. Meanwhile, the Villain begins his long-planned revenge. The thing is, the Heroine once worked as a forensic expert, and she served on a commission examining the Villain's case, and thanks to her efforts, he was declared sane. He didn't even receive a suspended sentence, paid in conventional units… As a result, he became completely insane on the Moon. Since a madman refuses to admit it, the Villain apparently requires professional advice on this matter…
The Villain kidnaps the Heroine. This is where her archetype emerges. Instead of being terrified, speechless, and crying, she's rude to the Villain and ridicules him. She probably hopes that someday they'll put her bust in a museum dedicated to secret service heroes, especially since she's a bust… What an archetype, huh? Beautiful, brave, intelligent, a femme fatale. I don't know what she's trying to achieve with her behavior, though. Perhaps, as a psychologist and psychiatrist, she knows that the more she pesters the psychopath, the longer it will take him to kill her, and the greater her chance of rescue?
Then the usual routine begins, with the Monster devouring diggers and various underground utility maintenance personnel. Here you can take a nap if you're looking for something interesting. Moscow is abuzz with rumors… Fewer and fewer people dare to go underground, and then the Monster begins to emerge through manhole covers in the most unexpected crowded places…
Here, the Villain lays out his terms: he needs $100 billion in small bills and a plane, and then he'll rid the city of the beast. Meanwhile, the Villain informs the Heroine's colleagues that he's hidden her in a secret place in the underground catacombs. They, the colleagues, of course, have a chance of finding her, but the Monster might do the same too… The Hero utters the ritual phrase, “You'll pay for this!” and leans over a city map, which shows the Monster's spawn locations: a slender hope, but still, of locating his lair…
Russian Interpol agents turn out to be extremely knowledgeable about underground communications, and the lair is miraculously located: it's an underground bunker abandoned since the KGB days… The hero dons a cloak and a mask… Sorry, I'm getting carried away. The hero takes a light machine gun and hangs himself with machine-gun belts and grenades. The grenades are attached by pins—this is so they can be pulled off gracefully; they can't just go off at the wrong moment…
Here, a scene typical of a police thriller unfolds. For some reason, the Hero's boss isn't very happy with his intentions. “I'm going to suspend you!” the boss declares. “But don't worry, I'm giving you five hours to do everything, so please make it within that time.” The boss has a motive—the Hero's overzealousness—but not giving the Hero a chance feels somehow wrong…
“I can handle it!” replies the Hero. “Especially since we need to hurry, because samples taken from the places where the Monster appeared showed that it's pregnant.”
Then everything is as usual. Using the GPS as a guide, the Hero descends into the dungeons alone. The approaches to the lair are guarded by the Villain's henchmen. No matter how many there are, the Hero handles them without the slightest effort. When they shoot at him, he takes cover behind wooden crates, and the bullets don't penetrate them. The Hero kicks down armored doors, and if that doesn't work, he shoots the lock with a machine gun…
The Hero kills the Monster by igniting barrels of some flammable substance in the lair; there are always plenty of barrels where needed… And then the Villain appears… He hadn't planned on running and hiding, he was simply hoping the Hero would be finished off by his henchmen or eaten by the Monster. Now “I have to do everything myself.” The Villain suggests putting down their weapons and fighting hand-to-hand…
Fans of bloody fights with predictable endings are invited to figure it out for themselves… But what's there to figure out? I'm wrapping up. There's only one scene left. The Hero says to the rescued Heroine: “Now everything that's mine is yours!” Since they're kissing, the Hero probably means germs… The Heroine says the same thing, but she means lipstick…
So, we have an application, shall we write a script?
