It is customary to believe (according to the rules of etiquette) that one should not come to a guest empty-handed. Even if it is a waffle cake or a chocolate bar, one must grab it. But not everyone follows this rule, whether they come for dinner on a planned basis or fall on their hosts unplanned. Not only that, with empty hands, such guests will collapse, but they will also eat and drink everything, and take it with them, informs Ukr.Media.
And why would a hostess feed all her friends and relatives with her own money? Okay, if old acquaintances come, long-awaited and long-invited to her house, who will help around the house and buy something themselves. And if a whole camp of natural “gypsies” come to you? Treat everyone with delicacies, and then sit on boiled potatoes and sauerkraut for a week?
No, you need to be able to say no, or at least not be shy about asking guests to bring something with them. Yes, even though it seems embarrassing, you are shy. How do you learn to answer guests' questions: what to bring with you? Here are some tips.
Don't be shy about saying “no”
Since Soviet times, our grandmothers and mothers have been accustomed to receiving all guests, feeding, drinking, and putting everyone to sleep. Many remember how entire camps of relatives would stay for weeks on other people's food. And when asked what to bring, people of that generation most often answered by rote – no need for anything, everything is there, you can bring your own, the main thing is, come, we are looking forward to it.
The modern generation is not like that. Many people don't like having guests even for a day, let alone overnight stays; noisy feasts and weddings for the whole village are a thing of the past. And it's more convenient for most people to meet in a cafe, not at home, so as not to bother with cooking.
Young people are not shy about answering:
- I never
- I am busy.
- I don't want to spend half an hour in the kitchen,
- We have other plans for this evening.
So, people of the older generation should stop being shy about answering: I never have time, I don't have the energy to cook, the evening is busy, I don't feel well, don't come. You won't be good for everyone, remember that.
And think about it: do these people often invite you to their homes, do they set tables for you? Are you the only one who is generous to the detriment of yourself? Isn't it time to stop this whole circus of hospitality if you have neither the strength, nor the money, nor the desire to host guests?
How to answer the question: what to bring with you?
And you have to answer honestly. If you don't have anything at home, ask to buy it. Speak directly, clearly, with your mouth: I wasn't expecting anyone, there's no bread or sugar at home, if you want to have lunch at my place – buy some chicken too, I'll fry it.
The first time, it will probably be difficult to say something like that. Well, at least stammer politely about bread and sugar, ask to grab it, you won't ruin anyone. Then it will be easier, it's been proven.
You can ask them to wait a couple of minutes to check if there is anything for tea or something else at home. And ask them to bring the missing products with them. They really aren't there, you're not deceiving anyone, and if people are normal, they will stop by and buy them.
In general, this question is most often asked to hosts by those who are actually ready to stop by the store on the way and buy something with them, they just don't know what they need. So tell them. You don't have a supermarket in your kitchen, not a bar, not a cafe, it's not shameful to ask your friends for a small request. But freeloaders and impudent people, on the contrary, discourage them by asking them to take a snack or a drink with them, that's where they're going.
The simplest answer is to say: “If you want to bring something, bring something to your taste, something you will make yourself.” And if you are too lazy to cook and are confident in the culinary abilities of those who will come, answer: “Prepare a dish to your taste, just tell me which one so that I don't cook the same one.”
How do I do it?
Before asking for something to be brought, I usually quickly check the cabinets and refrigerator, freezer, if unexpected guests call. And depending on the situation, I ask to grab something. It's easier for me – we live in the country, it's easier for city dwellers to go to the store and buy the necessary products. They know that this is a problem for us.
If something is expensive, I say I'll give you the money back if I don't need anything (I only buy from the supermarket, after buying for a week), and people insist, I can ask to buy juice or fruit for the children, it's never superfluous.
If friends come, I know for sure that Masha will bake a delicious berry pie, and Tatyana will make wonderful stewed cabbage rolls, and let them bring them. I'll say it straight: you are your crown jewel, and no one will mind.
I think this: the hostess traditionally has hot things that don't need to be cooked – cold cuts, pickles, and those who don't cook bring fruit – cake – desserts – alcohol, if they drink it themselves. We don't have such drinks at home. And no one is offended, believe me. And if my husband and I go to visit – we'll grab smoked fish, marinate meat for kebabs or pop into the store for cupcakes, tangerines or juice. We've already learned all the preferences of our relatives and friends, who likes what.
