Today I will tell a story about a man whose longevity was a test (he was 90 years old at the time of the interview) and about the things that await most of us.
“The life of an old man is like walking on spring ice: it gets thinner every day”
What did you encounter when experiencing such a gift of fate as longevity?
— First of all, because it is a big burden. The longer you live, the more you see. Both bad and good. The life of a child is so beautiful because it is not occupied with the tragedy of life, it is full of faith in the best. The life of an old man is different.
How would you describe your feelings?
— I'm a fisherman, so I have some close analogies from there: the life of a long-lived person is like walking on spring ice — it gets thinner every day. Youth is strong ice: you can break the ice under you — life will forgive you, you can jump on it — no matter what. Your loved ones walk on the same strong ice, and even despite the difficulties of life, the strength of the ice under your feet inspires faith. You don't even think about the fact that it might crack, that one day it will be so thin that you'll have to walk with caution, that every “sneeze” could destroy the ice under your feet.
— Under the pressure of life, loved ones and friends you've known all your life fall through the thin ice — it's painful to watch. That's where dreams and illusions about life go, and most importantly, an understanding emerges: one day the ice of my life will crack.
How to maintain faith in such periods?
— This is the most difficult thing. If friends and family have left — what next? If faith in happiness is going under the ice, if the ground is not solid — how to live? As a fisherman, I have one rule: if the ice is thin, your own weight should not be a burden — you don’t need to take on too much. And in the literal sense: don’t be clumsy, be in shape, don’t stuff your stomach, take care of your shape — it is dangerous to walk on thin ice with excess weight, and in the fact that negative thoughts and stress also increase the burden of life — thin ice will one day not be able to withstand all the problems that a person carries with him — you need to be able to leave them behind.
“When the children turn away and leave, that's the turning point: either he breaks you, or you break him.”
What happened in your life that made you rethink it?
— When the children left. Parenting is a complex process, no one copes with it perfectly, but still, in the heart of the father there is hope that the children managed to give the right goals in life, to set a vector.
What to do if it doesn't work?
— I always thought it worked out. But as it turned out, not quite. I had a difficult character, was it worth expecting that the children would have a different one? One day they came to me and said that they wanted to move. Far away. I remember that day like now.
What was the first thing that came to mind when you heard that?
— Stupor. My first thoughts were like a child's: “And me? What about me?”. It was a twofold, strange feeling: on the one hand, I understood that the children loved me, but they wanted a better life, they wanted to experience the opportunities that the modern world offers, and I, as a loving father, should have been happy for them. On the other hand, there was a feeling that I was being abandoned, that I was being forgotten, that I was on the far shelf of the priority of the people I loved the most, in whom I had invested my whole life.”
How did you cope with this?
— It took me more than one year to calm down. The empty house of the old man, in which there used to be a noise of children, is gray. Only the love in my heart helped me accept this situation and rejoice with all my heart for the children, to stop holding a grudge. When the grudge went away, a new life began for me: I could rejoice again.
“Boredom in old age is like the end”
What is the most unpleasant thing for an old person to deal with every day?
— Boredom. Boredom makes you doubt life, it is viscous, viscous, like a swamp. Boredom makes you feel unhappy. Happiness for a child is interest, it is movement, play. A child is happy when he is busy with a process and suffers, takes himself and his parents out when he is bored. Nothing changes in old age except that boredom presses harder and no one but you can dispel it.
How to cope with boredom and bring back the spark to life?
— It doesn't happen overnight. To start, you need to ask yourself, “What would make my day a good one? What do I need to do to be happy with how it went at the end of the day? What can I do that would spark my interest? What can I try that I haven't tried yet?”
— Such questions start the brain working, the search for options begins. At first they are meager and prosaic, although they are also useful, but as you move forward, new options appear. Little by little, it starts to bite: something disappears, something unexpectedly begins to like, to fascinate. Old age has forced me to look for activities, now I have more of them than in my youth. An old person has a lot of time. If he has nothing to do, it is a heavy burden of boredom, if there is something to do, it is a wonderful time to get to know yourself and life.
Thank you very much for your valuable thoughts. What would you like to say in closing?
— The ice of life cannot be strengthened — we will all go, no matter how much you think about it, just accept it and don’t torture yourself, but the pressure on the ice of life can be reduced — this will lengthen our path: don’t hold grudges — it is the burden of life. Keep your body in good condition — it should be an ally, not a burden. Always think about what you want — a meaningful life can overcome all obstacles.
