More people than you might imagine believe the world is ending in just a few hours, so it's best to look your best, writes Paul Baldwin. Share this article Share this article Facebook X LinkedIn Reddit Bluesky Email Copy link Link copied Bookmark Comments
The end of the world is already near, and, strangely enough, it will come today or tomorrow, according to some Christians. They might even have to cancel that doctor's appointment they're constantly nagging about rescheduling.
Yes, the Rapture, that part of the Bible where all the Christians are taken up into heaven and we're left sitting here thinking, “Well, I'm not going to lie, I didn't expect that,” has happened.
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At least, that's according to Pastor Joshua Mhlakele, a South African preacher who shared his divine prophecy on YouTube with far more gullible social media scammers than you might think. He claimed that Jesus appeared to him in a vision and revealed the exact date of his return. Although, when pressed, Jesus seemed somewhat hesitant about the exact date—somewhere between September 22 and 24, which coincides with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, as God said he would.
Call me picky, but I expected more accuracy from the real Son of God.
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Either way, many Christian fundamentalists in, you guessed it, America are eagerly awaiting the Rapture, when we non-believers or agnostic doubters will be collectively thrashed by the Four Horsemen. Some have even given away houses and cars, so convinced that Jesus wants them to be a ray of sunshine for him.
But wait, some social media miscreants mocked this statement. One even remarked that we'd all better wear our best underwear today if we're going to meet our maker.
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Satire, low form wit and all that… but honestly, I think I'm on the side of The Rapture fans.
Because, as it turns out, the real Rapture is preceded by what's called the Tribulation, and that's seven years of complete crap for all of us.
Of course, it's difficult to discern from biblical interpretations whether this refers to the seven years that have just passed or to the seven years that will pass from today. But it works either way.
Donald Trump, for example, has been in power for almost exactly seven years, and who knows—if the law is bent—that he won't last another seven. Vladimir Putin spent a good seven years fomenting nuclear conflict, Britain has been led by spineless idiots for at least seven years, and most of us, since about 2018, have spent far too much time pointing out that girls probably can't be boys, at the very least.
Then there was COVID, global warming, Greta Thunberg, the economic crisis, Israel-Palestine, Rachel Reeves… if the next seven years are worse, God help us (and yes, the irony was not lost on me!).
Still not convinced?
In a Bible passage (1 Corinthians 15:51-52, if you're interested), I found a statement that the dead will be raised and the world will end “in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet.”
The last Trump!
Coincidence? I don't think so! Has religion ever been wrong?
As for that late summer vacation you've booked… well, don't worry, it's not the end of the world.
Oh, wait…
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